Bats are melodramatic

I still don’t have a degree but I’m "mostly there." When I was in Wichita Falls, Texas (for my technical school to get "mostly there" with my degree) I used to hang out with a guy who lived just down the hall of my dorms named Chris. 

Wichita Falls is definitely in the running for my least favorite places in the entire world. It reminds me a lot of being stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean except that instead of water there is suck. Suck for miles in every direction. I hate Wichita.

So this magical day Chris and I are walking to the grocery store. We didn't need anything. We were just bored and the grocery store sounded exciting (see how cool Wichita is?). On our way back it was starting to get dark when we encountered something that changed how I thought about Wichita forever. A little bit at least.We were walking when I heard the strangest sound coming from a tree. The tree seemed to be screeching. Intrigued we moved closer.

 The tree was swarming with bats. Bajillions of bats. I used that moment to reveal the true depths of my powers of observation. I had been holding back from the world. "Dude, there's gotta be at least 7 bats in that tree" I said. Immediately I had an amazing idea! "Where is a rock!??!" I exclaimed in my exhilaration. Chris didn't hesitate a moment - we dropped our bags of assorted randomness from the grocery store and began to scavenge the parking lot for ammunition. Chris found a small section of parking lot that was broken up into gravel but there was no rocks..... "ZOMG GRAVEL!!!!!"

"YES! Gravel." I mused delightedly. Why throw one rock when I can launch and entire volley at them? Quickly my mind lost itself in the grandeur of such a thought and soon we each had a handful of gravel. We counted to three and fired.

The reaction was instant. The bats may as well have started blinking red. They were rage incarnate and they demanded retribution for our petty crimes against them. The problem for us though, was not that the bats were angry enough to impregnate us just to abort our children and feed them to alligators, it was that we could barely move from laughing. The sound they made when the rocks impacted them.... The best I can describe it is to say that it's the noise you want to make when you jump into a frozen lake crossed with the sound a pterodactyl makes when you beat it at checkers (I'm sure you guys know the one).

Once they began to fly toward us with murder painted in their eyes we regained our composure and ran like we had somewhere to be. The bats didn't give chase for more than 50 feet or so but we had left our groceries behind. We couldn't go back and tell everyone we had been bullied out of our groceries by a bunch of bats. We had to formulate a plan. 

Soon we had an action plan. We would wait a few minutes till they had calmed down then ninja steal our stuff back in a burst of speed. The bats would never even realize what had happened. That was the original plan anyway. That was before I had my next super awesome idea.

We did it again.